Sarasota Film Festival 2020 – I Only Miss You When I'm Breathing
A devastated wife and husband, stuck in the aftermath of a school shooting that killed their only son, are bombarded by friends and neighbors who want them to re-join the human race. Inspired by the real-life story of Nashville country singer/songwriter Freddy Weller, and his wife Pippy.
Interview with Director/Producer Ashley Wren Collins
Congratulations! Why did you make your film?
I've been acting, writing books, directing and choreographing for the stage, and producing theater and film for years, and I was searching for the right project with which to make my film directorial debut. Telling stories on film felt like a very natural progression for me, as each branch of my art that I work in informs the other.
I was inspired to make I Only Miss You When I'm Breathing after watching what my sister-in-law went through in losing her son. She will never be the same - she can't, how could anyone expect her to? Her loss forever impacted her and her immediate and extended family. When I then met Freddy and Pippy Weller, who also lost their son, I knew I had to give a voice to these people who belong to this club no one wants to belong to - that of parents who have lost a child.
Time Magazine's December 2018 cover story was "'The World Moves On and You Don't' - Parents who lost a child in a school shooting on the pain that never ends" - when I saw that, Lori (the screenwriter) and I spoke about how this club just keeps growing and she wanted to incorporate their experiences into the film, which was the impetus to having the character of Brandon die in a school shooting. I was also very interested in what happens to the people a loved one leaves behind.
As we geared up into pre-production, we were fortunate to consult with Dianne Gray, the President of Hospice & Healthcare Communications, an organization dedicated to furthering the cause of improving care at the end of life. As part of her work, Dianne helps people in all stages of life, from all walks of life, and for all reasons, die -- a vocation she came to after losing her own son. A big takeaway I got from this project was the fact that culturally, in particular in the western world, we don't talk about loss - we don't deal with it or acknowledge it. Loss is not something you put in a box and shove in a closet; you take it with you, it becomes a part of your identity.
Imagine I’m a member of the audience. Why should I watch this film?
Our lives are marked by big personal events - things like weddings, graduations, divorces, births, deaths, historical experiences like the COVID-19 pandemic or for my parents, JFK's assassination. When it comes to the death of a loved one, how do the people who are left behind reconcile the mundaneness of the everyday - the fact that the sun still rises and people go on - to put one foot in front of the other? What is the road map for that? Where do we give permission to ourselves and to others to move through the stages of grief?
I'm hoping this film encourages that dialogue and helps people help themselves through a loss or be a better friend or family member to someone enduring this kind of pain. And though the film is not meant to be political in any way, we recognize the fact that a school shooting is part of the plot may make it so for some, so if it encourages discussion on how to keep children in schools safe, that's great.
I love that art is always a unique experience to each individual - what I walk away with might not be what you walk away with, and that's okay.
How do personal and universal themes work in your film?
We don't talk about grief, and we should talk about it much more, whether we are the ones enduring it, or we are supporting someone else as they navigate it. You can't sweep it under a rug and pretend it isn't there.
I Only Miss You When I'm Breathing asks, how do we go on in the face of unbearable loss? In making the film, I was very interested in the sounds of the every day - for example - the sound of phone ringing before going to voicemail, the clock ticking, a door or floorboard creaking, a blender whirring, or the outdoor sounds of birds singing, a plane flying overhead, insects humming, a lawnmower buzzing - or even visually - the neon colors of paint cans lined up on a hardware store shelf, spring flowers in bloom - how all of these sensory experiences assault us or mark time for us in a world where our hearts are encased in grief.
How have the script and film evolved over the course of their development?
I had produced Chasing Taste, the feature film comedy that I Only Miss You When I'm Breathing screenwriter Lori Fischer also wrote. She was inspired to write I Only Miss You When I'm Breathing to pay homage to Freddy and Pippy Weller after losing their son, Brandon, for whom the character in the movie is named after.
In the movie, Nora can't quench her thirst, no matter how many beverages she drinks. She is literally thirsting for her dead son. When she shared her script with me, I knew we had to make this movie. My daughter was nine months old when we shot the film - I know what it's like to bury my nose in her hair to breathe her in and give her a million kisses, and I can't image the gut-wrenching pain of a mother who can no longer do that.
We developed the script through a series of informal readings, and when Phil Vassar came on board, we tweaked the role of Warren to tailor fit him. We shot on location in Nashville with a Nashville cast and crew. Pippy Weller graciously took us on a tour of Brandon's bedroom, untouched since his death, and to visit his gravesite. We used several of his personal items and clothing in the set Katherine Benson designed for his bedroom, and it was wonderful to have his spirit surrounding us as we made the film.
What type of feedback have you received so far?
I'm thankful the response has been very positive - to the story and to Lori and Phil's performances as well. Phil is a country music superstar with a big following - his fans have never really seen him do this kind of acting, and he is so great - he just breaks your heart! The most powerful feedback we've received has been from people who have lost a child, who have said this film has helped them heal. Being a part of that process for them has been completely unexpected and humbling.
Has the feedback surprised or challenged your point of view?
It's been affirming to learn the importance of people being able to see themselves and their stories up on the screen, and it motivates me to tell more stories that illuminate the vast spectrum of the human experience and to, when possible, encourage everyone to be kinder, more compassionate, more empathetic. We never know what it is to walk in someone else's shoes, but the cinema gets us as close as possible to that.
What are you looking to achieve by having your film more visible on www.wearemovingstories.com?
It takes a village of visionary collaborators to make great art. The world grows smaller each day, thanks to technology and platforms like We are Moving Stories. I am interested in combining forces with passionate, like-minded individuals to share this movie and other important stories with audiences of all ages.
Who do you need to come on board (producers, sales agents, buyers, distributors, film festival directors, journalists) to amplify this film’s message?
We would like to share I Only Miss You When I'm Breathing with as many people as possible - from film festival directors who want to screen it, to journalists who want to cover the issues this film addresses, to distributors who want to help us reach a broader audience, and to other producers interested in collaborating or funding other projects
What type of impact and/or reception would you like this film to have?
A filmmaker hopes to touch audiences in some way with their work, which is really all I can hope to do. In my dream world, people all over the world are watching this film to better understand grief, to give themselves permission to grieve, to support others dealing with grief, and to spark a candid discussion about gun safety, beginning with children and schools.
What’s a key question that will help spark a debate or begin a conversation about this film?
The last time someone close to you lost someone they loved -- what did you do for them, how did you respond? Having watched this film, what's something you might have done differently?
Would you like to add anything else?
Thank you for watching and supporting female filmmakers! Please visit the film's website and do write to me and let me know what you think - we want your uncensored feedback!
What other projects are the key creatives developing or working on now?
I am currently developing and seeking funding for a feature film with Scottish playwright/screenwriter JD Stewart. JD's work centers on gay characters in leading roles and draws attention to issues the LGBTQ community faces. JD is the recipient of The Dewar Arts Award for Scotland, J.S. Seidman Scholarship, and the 2017 MFA Chair Award from the Tisch Dramatic Writing Department at New York University. In 2019, he was shortlisted for the inaugural Theatre Uncut Political Playwriting Award in partnership with The Young Vic, Traverse Theatre, and Sherman Theatre for his play, Compression.
Interview: May 2020
We Are Moving Stories embraces new voices in drama, documentary, animation, TV, web series, music video, women's films, LGBTQIA+, POC, First Nations, scifi, supernatural, horror, world cinema. If you have just made a film - we'd love to hear from you. Or if you know a filmmaker - can you recommend us? More info: Carmela
I Only Miss You When I'm Breathing
A devastated wife and husband, stuck in the aftermath of a school shooting that killed their only son, are bombarded by friends and neighbors who want them to re-join the human race. Inspired by the real-life story of Nashville country singer/songwriter Freddy Weller, and his wife Pippy.
Length: 17:55
Director: Ashley Wren Collins
Producer: Ashley Wren Collins, Lori Fischer and Phil Vassar
Writer: Lori Fischer
About the writer, director and producer:
ASHLEY WREN COLLINS produced/acted in Chasing Taste, Best Comedy winner, 2013 Burbank International Film Festival, 2014 Manhattan Film Festival (on Amazon, iTunes). Directing: Gay Boy; I’m Mindful...of My Anxiety; The Chaos Theory of Now; Flak House, off-Broadway, NYC. Participant, Directors Lab, Lincoln Center Theater. Recipient, Edward F. Albee Foundation fellowship. Four books, including Along Comes the Association: Beyond Folk-Rock and Three-Piece Suits (Rare Bird, 2020). BA, University of Pennsylvania. MFA, American Repertory Theater/Moscow Art Theater at Harvard.
LORI FISCHER’s Petie was produced by Theatre East in NYC. Co-wrote/starred in The Sparkley Clean Funeral Singers (published by Samuel French) at Capital Repertory Theatre and Cumberland County Playhouse. Wrote/starred in Barbara’s Blue Kitchen (also published by Samuel French) off-Broadway. 2014 Independent Vision Award Nominee for Outstanding Achievement in Screenwriting for Chasing Taste, Best Comedy winner, 2014 Manhattan Film Festival, 2013 Burbank International Film Festival (on Amazon Prime, iTunes). Adjunct Professor, NYU, Lipscomb University. MFA, Dramatic Writing, NYU.
PHIL VASSAR is an award-winning country music singer/songwriter with 10 #1 hits, 15 top ten hits, and 27 Top 40 hits. He is the recipient of ASCAP Songwriter of the Year and ACM’s Top New Male Vocalist awards. He sells out concerts across the USA. Phil stars in I Only Miss You When I'm Breathing, for which he also composed original music.
Key cast: Lori Fischer, Phil Vassar, Karen Sternberg, Jonah Jackson, Miles Chaffer, Chuck Long
Looking for: distributors, journalists, film festival directors, producers
Facebook: Ashley Wren Collins
Twitter: @wrenashley
Hashtags used: #ionlymissyouwhenimbreathing
Website: www.ionlymissyouwhenimbreathing.com, ashleywrencollins.com
Funders: Indiegogo
Where can I watch it next and in the coming month? The virtual 2020 Sarasota Film Festival, through May 10th.